Thursday, 24 May 2012

Things Im Afraid To Tell You

I first heard about this post on the Vogue Forums, and found it a really interesting (albeit terrifying) concept.

What am I afraid to tell you?

1. I am too chicken shit to go to a doctor to find out if I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I know logically it wont get any better, nor will my mind ever be at ease, if I avoid the doctor, but there you have it. I have all of the major symptoms (hormonal acne, weight gain, holding alot of weight around the stomach area, loss of periods, mood swings, and excess hair growth.) I have had these symptoms for atleast 5 YEARS but only recently clicked that there could be a reason for it. I just blamed them all on gaining weight. Still not getting any closer to the doctor to find out.

2. Which brings me to the second point- excess hair growth. *deep breath* My name is Cindy, and I have hairs on my chin.
Alot of women do- but do you think that sentence was any easier to write because of it? I never had a problem with it before, but since having hormonal problems I have discovered them. Of course I remove ASAP, but this is not without first feeling the full shame. Women arent supposed to have beards! My chin is supposed to be smooth as a babies bum!
I freak out when Billasaurus Rex touches the lower part of my face (for fear he will feel the hairs) and have recently been having a nightmare that Billasaurus Rex and I go camping, and I am stranded and have forgotten to bring my tweezers. I cant help but feel even dream-me is melodramatic. Lol

3. I'm not really very fashionable. I love fashion blogs, could read through them all day, but its only a desperate attempt to absorb others fashion sense through the screen.

4. I have been that woman that stayed in an abusive relationship for 6 years. The woman that everyone wants to shake sense into, and tell that she is stupid and that she should leave him. That was me.
It's funny- I tolerated hitting, kicking, shoving, horrible name-calling and hair-pulling, but the day he spat in my face I knew I was done.

My opinion on Chris Brown? You really want to know?!

5. I consider myself a feminist. It seems to be a dirty word these days, especially with some men. Do I agree with any argument any feminist has ever put forward? No. But do I believe that women should be paid equally, have the same rights as men, and hope that one day what a woman has to say for herself is more important than her appearance? You bet your ass I do. (Seriously, check out Jezebel. Interesting articles and often hilarious comments)

And that's all I'm brave (or stupid) enough to share.

What are you afraid to tell?


  1. What a brave post, you seem like a very strong woman xxx (and go to the bloody doctor!!)

    I am afraid to tell anyone that I am getting braces, once i get them on in a few weeks my plan is just to never open my mouth again. I see no flaws with this plan.

    1. Thankyou for the compliment, I had never thought of myself as strong before but I'm going to roll with it!
      I so did that with the braces thing, just got them on and didnt smile for a while, lol. Although because I had buck teeth my braces stuck out even further and were quite the obvious little fashion accessory.
      I want to hear all about how you go!

  2. Very brave post. I'm another member of the PCO club. Don't be afraid to go to the docs. Best to get it under control and be sure on what you're dealing with :-)

    Good work getting away from that man. 6 years is better than 7 years. Glad it's history now.


    1. Thanks Emma. I didnt realise it is so common- I think Ive made it out to be a much bigger deal in my head than what it potentially is. I may not even have it, could just be fat and hairy! lol

  3. Very very very brave post!!!!

    I'm also bad when it comes to going to see a doctor when I suspect something might be wrong - I simply want to postpone the bad news (and possibly make them worse in the process, but can't help myself). Having said that, I am getting on top of that and facing my fears (so far, so good).

    Really glad you got rid of the idiot!!!

    Sending you lots of hugs! Please go and get the checks done!!


    1. Thanks for the hugs Ms Jelena, gosh we are shockers with the doctors arent we?! Im all booked in to see mine. Good on us for both facing our fears!

  4. what a brilliant post, thanks so much for sharing <3

    I don't have hairs on my chin but for some reason one of the little baby hairs grows a lot longer than the rest. my boy is usually the first to notice and yanks it out without warning.

    hopefully you admitting that you're too scared to go to the doc will give you the motivation to go and find out :) I have no doubt that once you do you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

    I'm really glad you left that relationship too, you're way too awesome to have to go through that.


  5. WOW you have a lot of guts to write this. I'd love to but it's too scary! GO TO THE DOCTORS! Nothing horrible will happen,if you already think you got it, it won't be as much of a shock as it coming out of nowhere. Although I could talk... I'm the same.

    Hmmmm what am I afraid to tell? I hate being in a car, our family car got hit by a drunk driver about 7 years ago and the sound of that accident stayed in my head forever. My heart races when there's too many cars around me and even worse when hubby gets distracted by something when driving. People annoy the shiz out of me by accusing me of being "lazy" for not driving but I just agree with them even though they have no idea I'm petrified.

  6. I have hairs on my chin too! And I'm embarrassed too! I hate it, but don't think there's much I can do about it other than get rid of them asap :( I'm constantly stressing if people actually notice them and think I'm gross....

  7. Brave post.. I have heard that PCOS is very common.
    :) Go to the doctors!

  8. I've been meaning to write one of these, what a brave and amazing post! Like everyone else I recommend you go see a doctor about the PCOS too - I know you know this though, and I know it must be hard. We will be here to support you though!

    I also find it very interesting that you find calling yourself a feminist is something you're afraid to tell people. I am a feminist and actively label myself one and I find it very bizarre that the word is still so stigmatised. It doesn't mean raving loonies, it means we believe women and men should be treated equally!

  9. This was very brave post!

    PLEASE go see the doctor! I know sometimes it's easier to live in a world of ignorance is bliss, but it doesn't make it go away. Knowing if you have it would mean you can try and work with it.

    I don't know about the label "feminism". I mean I do believe it to some degree, we're equals as people and should be treated as such. But there are also some jobs which are better suited to men than women. And I always like a bit of chivalry and believe it's a man's job to protect his woman (oh, how 1950's of me!)

  10. Love the honesty here! Honey we all have the hairs. I soon as I read about your I felt my chin. lol. Where are my tweezers? Bravo to you for getting out of that abusive relationship. We all have a breaking point. Yours was met. As a child who witnessed abused all to well, good job!

  11. Hi,

    love your blog. Do you mind sharing the details of your psychic experience? I'd love to go see B.

  12. What a brilliant post. Thanks for sharing. I hope you find the courage to see the DR soon. I've put off seeing a DR for 4 years about something I was worried about. But 2 weeks ago I just bit the bullet and did it. I am now on medication and hopefully the illness is being sorted. So I've taken some time away from blogging to feel better. Hope you can do it too. I feel like a weight has been lifted.

  13. Hey darling.

    Nikhita from Vogue forums here. I have PCOS, it's not an overly big deal to be honest!

    I was all woes is me for a long time after finding out, but really it's not the end of my life. Fertility is also an issue with PCOS in a lot of cases and unfortunately is with me, but now knowing what I'm up against has already prepared me for the future. When I'm ready to have children I already know what kind of journey I'm in for.

    Finding out was the best thing ever. I had no idea what was going on with my body and had/have those symptoms you mentioned. I think the hair is one of the most horrible but one of the more trivial!

    Although finding out means that there *is* something not quiet right, it's much better knowing what you are up against.

    Go to the doctor, find out, get your life in control. It's a great feeling.

    Many hugs xox

  14. I can't believe I almost missed this post! Very brave girl, I'm still too scared to post anything lol Read through the comments, hope all goes well with the doc! I'm so glad you got out of that abusive relationship, it makes me sad to think how anyone can be such a jerk to you when you are such a nice and funny person!

  15. Good on you for being so brave and posting this! I hope all goes well with the doctor.

  16. Did you go to the doctor? I did and I have pcos, like you I had a feeling I had it. At least I know for sure now.


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