Tuesday, 31 December 2013

I did not get mauled by a bear in 2013

My last post was in February. FEBRUARY. That's 10 months ago- I can count good. 

A lot could have happened in 10 months. I could have-

  • become impregnated and given birth to said spawn
  • written a novel
  • explored a deserted island and convince villagers to make me their queen
  • built my own home
  • gone on a round the world trip
  • stumbled across a scientific breakthrough

I did none of those things. None. Beginning to reassess what on earth I have been doing with my life- I feel the real missed opportunity here is not becoming a queen on a deserted tropical island. I was practically created for eating peeled grapes and being carried around on a golden throne. The most tragic part is that this fact is not acknowledged by anyone else.

So...what did I get up to in 2013?

  • Wilfully ignored this blog
  • Got excited everytime I got blog comments, only to log in and realise of course they were all spam
  • In related news, atleast now I know how that single mothers secret to a flat belly, and the all natural way to increase my penis size
  • Moved out of my ridiculous hobbit hole I called my bedsit, and into Billasaurus's house

  • Celebrated my 3 year anniversary with Billasaurus
  • Went camping twice (trying to be encouraging on the partners hobbies you see)
  • Saw one of my favourite bands, Me First And The Gimme Gimmes live
  • Went to Soundwave and saw the old faves Blink 182, The Offspring, Metallica, Linkin Park, Paramore etc
  • Managed to settle into domestic life without killing Billasaurus or having myself killed by him
  • A new niece was born- little Seville!
  • I completed my second year of my Bachelor of Primary Education
  • I travelled to Vancouver, Canada to as part of a university program to teach abroad

  • I went to Whistler for the day and saw snow for the first time

  • I tutored 12 students with learning difficulties each week
  • I got a new job, that I will be able to start in early 2014
  • Survived the Geelong Earthquake of 2013 (Hint: Billasaurus's farts have moved the earth more)

  • I accidentally washed my hair with puppy shampoo due to a mixup in my storage facilities. My coat looked lustrous, though.

Now i'm grasping at straws. Best wishes for everyone for an excellent 2014- I look forward to following all of your blogs!

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Don't judge me by my polish.

Just a quickie.

No seriously, I just had one.

I kid, I kid.

I've had BioSculpture nails for about a year and I yoyo from loving them sick, to being very tempted to buy a Luminail/Gellish/Shellac kit and do it myself.

I'm going to Soundwave tomorrow. Being the rockstar I am, I went to the salon (sounds so wanky) with a very clear idea of how I wanted my nails to look like. Which is unusual because I normally stare at the colour wheel for the whole time it takes her to shape my nails, crippled by indecision, before I finally point to a random colour and regret it immediately.

I told the nail lady and she looked at me incredulously and said, 'No. Black is a winter colour. It'll look tacky.'

Bitch please. I don't say anything about your Barbie pink with love heart feature nails mani, so time to get down off your high horse.

Too harsh?

Plus, I don't care if it's not winter yet, i'm lovin' them.

Have you ever gotten 'tude from someone in the beauty industry who you are paying? I'm not saying they should be subserviant and not have opinions, but I think if I want a particular look and want to pay for it, that she should probably just do it.


Monday, 25 February 2013

Bacon Roses

Belated Valentines Wrap-up post time!

Billasaurus is a manly man who loves his meat. Mind out if the gutter, people.

Ages back on Pinterest (where else?) I saw instructions on how to make a Bacon Bouquet. The instructions were a bit fiddly and required drilling holes in the bottom off a muffin pan, which seemed like a lot of mucking around.

I modified the original recipe as follows-

1. Obtain bacon (I also used prosciutto to give different sized "roses".
2. Roll said bacon
3. Pierce bottom of bacon roll with toothpicks (that have been soaked in water) in a X fashion, keeping bacon secure
4. Pop onto a baking tray and into the oven on a high heat. I didn't fine these but just took then out when they crisped up and my house smelt extra "bacony"

5. Wait until bacon cools. The fat from bacon helps the rose shape seal
6. Take out toothpicks
7. Remove the silk flowers from their stems
8.Place bacon roses into the remaining stub
9. Give to your one and only!

Billasaurus had the most confused look on his face when he saw me from afar, holding flowers out to him. His face turned to delight when he realised though, and was very sweet.

Lucky I had taken flowers beforehand, because he pretty much inhaled them!

Sunday, 24 February 2013

Harvest Picnic at Hanging Rock

My long-suffering boyfriend (it feels weird saying boyfriend, like im a 14yo?) Billasaurus is alot of things- hilarious, patient, kind....but one thing he isn't is a planner.

In January on a random trip to the beach, he asked me if I wanted to go away for a long weekend. Quickly my mind raced to Sydney, Brisbane, Perth, or perhaps Cairns....

In only 10 seconds this is where my mind went when he said "weekend away"

Bill's mind was quite set on going to Woodend. What? Where on earth is Woodend?

Turns out, it's only an hour and a half from home and that Bill was dying to see Hanging Rock in the nearby Macedon Ranges, having gone there as a little kid.

So in January, I repeat JANUARY, Bill said he would plan everything.

Fast forward to this Saturday morning and we were all packed and ready to go. For weeks I had been wondering about what kind of amazing events and accommodation he had planned, but didn't dare ask and ruin the suprise.

This might I add was killing me, because I have to know everything. Lol

We arrive in Woodend, pull up at an interesting looking brewery that the sign said also had accommodation, and I thought I had it all figured out.

Until Bill turns to me and says, 'Should I have booked accommodation? It's looking pretty crowded around here.'


The following hours consisted of us driving around to all accommodation places in Woodend, and finding out there mere a multitude of weddings on in the area and something called the Harvest Picnic on at the Hanging Rock tomorrow.

We moved on to neighbouring Kyneton, where we finally found a room at a pretty dodgy motel.

It's funny- in a past life that would have really bothered me, but I have learnt when you love someone you can just laugh and even enjoy the adventure of last minute scrambling for a bed.

And so on a beautiful sunny Sunday, we found ourselves at the Hanging Rock.
I have never seen the film, but have read the book (albeit a million years ago).
Over the years I had heard how haunting and that the silence is eerie...well not so much, because the weekend we picked to go it was hosting The Age Harvest Picnic.

Becayse we arrived quite early, (far too early for lunch, anyway) we decided to hit The Rock first.

No, not that Rock

There are a few different walks you can do- one that goes around the base, another shorter scenic walk and of course, The Summit.

It was a very hot day. I'm not going to lie- I was hoping he was going to want to do the base or scenic walk, but of course I know him well enough to know we were always going to be doing The Summit.

The thing is about The Summit walk is that is almost entirely uphill. Funny that.
There were a few moments I cursed my fitness levels, and also my shoe choice. (New Witchery plain ballet flats proved to not have much in the way of grip on the bottom, which ensured some hilarious rock-slipping moments on our descent.)

Entertaining signage did lighten the mood when the ascent was particular sweat-inducing

The effort was truly worth it however whe we saw the view from the summit.

 We indeed picked the perfect day- during our climb we could hear the band playing on the ground below, and when we were finished up we perused the gourmet food markets, had some lunch and enjoyed a well-earnt beer.

Have you been to Hanging Rock? We recommend it!

(My muscles are a little bit stiff today, but it was so worth it!)

Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Happy Love Day!

Today is the day to tell your partner/family/colleagues/postman/friendly neighbourhood hobo how much you love them!

Even if it's just you saying to yourself, 'Hey self, we rock!'

I LOVE Valentines Day.

Fuck the Valentines Day grinches, I say.

Ive organised something a little bit special for Billasaurus this year, which I shall report back to you about once I know how it goes down.

But in the meantime, if you are feeling romantic and are interested in some early 2000's nostalgia, THIS is how Billasaurus and I met.

Hope you all have a fantastic day ♥

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Be a Mexican, Not a Mexican't!

Please be very, very careful when reading out that post title.

Three of my close friends have birthdays only a week apart, so naturally every year there is triple-the-fun shindig in their honour.

This year, the three amigos decided to (quite logically) choose the theme of the party to be Mexican.

Naturally, my first thought was this costume-

Buy one here. Seriously, live my dream and do it.
Billasaurus, however patient the man is, drew a line at the taco suit. I got it in my head that there was no point in going alone as a taco, because really, who ever just has one taco? Unfortunately he wasn't so keen, and considering ive forced him to dress as the worlds tallest Gremlin before, I figure I'm still ahead.

So instead I went as Frida Kahlo!

I appear to have missed a little something during my last plucking session

The real and magnificent Frida herself-

I love the vibrant colours she used in her self-portraits, and her style. I think its pretty badass too not to pluck your monobrow and 'stache too- why should women feel ashamed of something that is quite normal? What percentage of men actually give a fuck? Definitely not the majority.

That being said, I shall continue to wax and pluck but admire the hell out of people who don't give a fuck.

The night began with pre-drinks at my tiny little flat (single file only, standing room but plenty of booze) drinking simply put, the beverage of The Gods.

Let me share with you this complicated recipe. Don't worry about a pen, I think you'll be able to recall it.

I'm not joking- it tastes like magic and unicorns! To be more specific, it tastes just like the clear gummi bears! Where has this been all of my life?!

My skills with eye pencil drawing monobrows must be my hidden talent, because all night men were whispering and giggling in my direction. It was quite disconcerting, because I forgot that this little gem was painted upon my face. To be honest most of the time I was thinking, 'GOSH I KNOW IM NOT A PRETTY GIRL, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO FLAT OUT LAUGH IN MY FACE!!!'

Der. They were looking at the giant fuzzy caterpillar perched atop my brow.

It was actually quite the conversation starter, and there was one gentleman (I use this term loosely) who was obsessed with stroking my monobrow even though there was no actual hair there, and offered for me to stay the night at his residence.

I got the impression he wasn't keen on my despite the brow, but BECAUSE of it. Different strokes for different folks, hey?

Chickpeas: They'll get you!

Oh dear.

Just a quick, TMI post (aren't they all around here?)

Lunch on 12WBT today was leftovers of last nights dinner- Spanish Chickpeas with Onion.


I stink, but fortunately I haven't yet turned into a beaver. Maybe that's next.

Extreme gas warning. Feeling thankful that Billasaurus didn't stay over tonight.


First weigh in tomorrow though, maybe I can blow away some of this weight, bahahaha.

Monday, 11 February 2013

12WBT: I'm doing it.

Well, I've gotten through day one of the 12WBT pretty well!

Fear not, I won't be updating you on every.single.thing that passes my lips during the next 12 weeks, because let's face it, noone but me gives one single shit.

Actually, even I would lose interest, and im the one doing it. Lol

Last night before I had officially started I was thinking about some possible hurdles for me. I think if I can identify things that are a challenge just maybe I can be prepared to get over them.

So for today, I am pretty pleased that I-

  • Ate breakfast (I have known to be a shocking meal skipper.)
  • Drank 2L of water (I haven't been drinking barely any!)
  • Actually prepared and cooked an evening meal (We've covered before that living alone, I prescribed to the school of thought that said assembling some prosciutto, crackers and hommus was dinner.)
12WBT Banana Bruschetta from the nutrition plan

If you are unfamiliar with the 12WBT, the basis premise is that Michelle Bridges is your personal saviour for the next 12 weeks.  The program includes a full nutrition and exercise plan, and weekly viedos and tasks from MB herself.

The meals were pretty good today!

My favourite was the Fish & Spanish Chickpeas tonight. To be honest I was sceptical that this would be delicious and or filling, but MB delivered. The dinner was basically sauteed onion and garlic with a can of chickpeas, then some baby spinach, cumin and paprika with grilled fish and crumbled feta on top.

Colour me suprised MB, you've done it. I would happily eat that meal, whether I was watching calories or not.

Sadly, it's been a while since Ive actually cooked :S

Slowclap for Michelle Bridges please, everyone...

In non weight-loss news, I got a great bargain on the weekend. I few months ago at Myer I saw a great dinner set by Maxwell & Williams in their 'Putting On The Ritz' range. I so sorely needed one (I've got the most mis-matched plates going on) but being a broke uni student I put it off. Disappointed I didnt have the $149.95 spare, I soldiered on with the jolly assortment in my cupboard.

I happened to be a-wandering Myer on Saturday, and they had the very same set for only $43.95! You better believe I snapped that baby up.

It reminds me of the heavy ceramic one my Nanna used to have when I was a little tacker.

Gorgeous dahlias and random tiny white globe thingies I bought on the weekend

Thank-you everyone for your kind words and support on this little weight loss journey. 'Tis very, very appreciated.

Hopefully I can update you on some great progress soon!

Sunday, 10 February 2013

Bring It On!

What does one do on the weekend before the Michelle Bridges Body Transformation starts?

I'd love to post that I weighed, measured, got myself organised and took it easy. Alas, that's really not my style.

Saturday night Billasaurus and I went to a world-famous in Geelong Bavarian theme restaurant, The Rheingold. It has stayed the same Im sure for the last 30 years- the same pig on the spit that gets paraded around to accordian music and shouts of ZIGGA ZAGGA ZIGGA ZAGGA HEY HEY HEY!!

Source: The Rheingold

The main drawcard of course is that for $70, there is unlimited roast dinner (and generous servings of crackling!) and unlimited beer/wine.

We had a great night dancing to cheesy pop tunes with friends, and I can now say my life is complete having heard 'Gangnam Style' sung by a German guy on an electric keyboard.

Source: Gizmodo

Have just downloaded the menu and exercise plan for Week 1 of the 12WBT. The food doesn't look too bad! I can do this.

The exercise though, hooly dooly. I am currently COMPLETELY inactive, so to go to 6 days a week full on exercising will be a big jump! I have decided that sticking to the diet is my main priority, as I know I have lost significant amounts of weight in the past by making diet changes.

The plan hopefully is that once im feeling confident about my new diet, and have gotten used to the meal planning, weighing and measuring and preparation, I will then up the ante on my exercise.

Is anyone else on the 12WBT, or making a concerted effort to lose weight?

Thursday, 7 February 2013

From Death Fat, to Less Fat?

No pleading apologies about IM SORRRYYYY IVE BEEN SO BUSY READERS, PLEASE FORGGIIIVVVVEEE MEEE because really- I'm sure I will at some point do this again, and also noones lives were adversely affected by my extreme delay in posting.

Except for mine. Missed having a little place to communicate, and having a (admittedly modest) cheer squad.

I've still been reading your blogs- oh I'm creepy like that. I turned lurker. I drew the line at anonymous comments though if it's of any comfort to you.


I'm fat. We've covered this. Death level fat. (My doctor says morbidly obese, but I have always been dramatic.)

I've been less fat in my life, and I think I was happier that way. So, I'm going to try and be less-fat again.

Enter: Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation.

Ive heard alot of malarky about this thing. I like that I can follow online, and that she spells out every morsel that should be passing my lips. I am not perfect- I don't know if I can do this. But- I do know that I owe it to myself to not give up before I begin.

And so, readers- if I have any left that is- would you be interesting in coming along on a journey through space and time (Wait- I think thats The Mighty Boosh.)

Don't want to blog about it if people aren't interested. Weight loss talk can get monotonous, and eye stab inducing.

Would you be interested in coming along on my journey from Death Fat to Less Fat?