Be a Mexican, Not a Mexican't!

Please be very, very careful when reading out that post title.

Three of my close friends have birthdays only a week apart, so naturally every year there is triple-the-fun shindig in their honour.

This year, the three amigos decided to (quite logically) choose the theme of the party to be Mexican.

Naturally, my first thought was this costume-

Buy one here. Seriously, live my dream and do it.

Billasaurus, however patient the man is, drew a line at the taco suit. I got it in my head that there was no point in going alone as a taco, because really, who ever just has one taco? Unfortunately he wasn't so keen, and considering ive forced him to dress as the worlds tallest Gremlin before, I figure I'm still ahead.

So instead I went as Frida Kahlo!

I appear to have missed a little something during my last plucking session

The real and magnificent Frida herself-

I love the vibrant colours she used in her self-portraits, and her style. I think its pretty badass too not to pluck your monobrow and 'stache too- why should women feel ashamed of something that is quite normal? What percentage of men actually give a fuck? Definitely not the majority.

That being said, I shall continue to wax and pluck but admire the hell out of people who don't give a fuck.

The night began with pre-drinks at my tiny little flat (single file only, standing room but plenty of booze) drinking simply put, the beverage of The Gods.

Let me share with you this complicated recipe. Don't worry about a pen, I think you'll be able to recall it.

Source

I'm not joking- it tastes like magic and unicorns! To be more specific, it tastes just like the clear gummi bears! Where has this been all of my life?!

My skills with eye pencil drawing monobrows must be my hidden talent, because all night men were whispering and giggling in my direction. It was quite disconcerting, because I forgot that this little gem was painted upon my face. To be honest most of the time I was thinking, 'GOSH I KNOW IM NOT A PRETTY GIRL, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO FLAT OUT LAUGH IN MY FACE!!!'

Der. They were looking at the giant fuzzy caterpillar perched atop my brow.

It was actually quite the conversation starter, and there was one gentleman (I use this term loosely) who was obsessed with stroking my monobrow even though there was no actual hair there, and offered for me to stay the night at his residence.

I got the impression he wasn't keen on my despite the brow, but BECAUSE of it. Different strokes for different folks, hey?

"Doesn't Know She's Fat"

I am LIVID.

Source

Things are going to get heated here, so please be prepared for the full snark.

First things first- I am not a so called 'fat activist', don't write about the plight of being plus sized, and am not a member of the 'happy at any size' community.

However, I am fat. This is not me being self-depracting. I'm a size 16-18 and have bounced up and down in weight ranges for all of my teenage and adult life. Am I ultimately happy with my body? No, I'm not. That doesnt mean that others with a similar body shouldn't be- it just means I would prefer my body at a different size. I'm not hugely depressed about the body I have- whilst I am obese, I am also a kind, generous, and intelligent being who is worth more than what others perceive of my appearance.

I also don't mind if you feel that last sentence makes me conceited- if you can't toot your own horn, noone else will.

ENTER RANT. (Oh, did you think that was it? You're in for a treat.)

I was recently at a birthday party. That's not the shock- I have friends. Don't act so suprised. :)

My best friend P's boyfriend Jay (still with me?) was watching me closely on the dance floor. I noticed he would look at me, and then back at the Birthday Girl.

This is also where I have to announce I am a shithouse dancer. It doesnt stop me from getting up on that dancefloor, even sometimes being the first one on it, and doing whatever moves I can pull out. Oh the robot, the busstop, gosh even the sprinkler are coming on out. No holds barred- I have a great time too. I look like a drowning oompa-loompa with the flaily arms, but hey, you cant be good at everything, right?

I figure he is just admiring (read: mocking) my dancing so don't really think twice about it. That is until I flop on the chair next to J, exhausted from all of the arm swinging, leg twisting dance action.

"Hey Cindy...." J remarks slowly, leaning towards me.

"Birthday Girl doesn't know she is fat, does she?"

The only appropriate way to describe my reaction to the ass-hattery

WAIT, WHAT?

He goes on to explain that he means that "Birthday Girl hasn't clicked that she is fat yet. She is still flirting, wearing provocative clothes, and is loud and over confident. You act different to her- is it because you've been fat longer? You know you are fat and act like you should."

Oh, I see. So what you meant was that because the BIRTHDAY GIRL has put on weight, she should alter her whole personality to match the hatred the general populace has on anyone who is larger than average. She should stop flirting with men, HELL, she better not even talk to them, because she is now not worthy of even friendship or a laugh. Of course she should alter her personal style, and become an introvert because the crux of the matter is that now she is overweight, she should feel a deep shame about her very existence.

I'm sorry- I must have missed this part in the clause when I expanded out of a size 14 and received my official fat card in the mail.

Whilst he was trying to assure me that I act "accordingly" to my size, all he did was push his view that overweight women (Of course, I note his theory mentioned nothing on men, despite 1 in 4 men being overweight in Australia) should acknowledge that they are not only no longer attractrive, but are generally not wanted. Their opinions are invalid, their experiences void, and no matter what unique thoughts or feelings she may have they are irrelevent if men do not find her sexually attractive.

What does one even say to someone like that?!

Ugly Jumper Party

It's decided.

A huge thankyou for all of you that made suggestions for a costume theme for my 25th Birthday Party in this post.

I liked all of your suggestions, especially the idea of Uniforms (Unicorns?) or a Japan theme.

Pondering my theme whilst in a dull meeting at work, I realised the answer has been in front of me all along!

At work we have an absolutely lovely middle aged man(ager) T who wears unique woollen jumpers with his suit pants every.single.day. Usually they are 3 sizes too big, have a giant knitted cowl neck in a contrasting colour, or have a knitted button feature on the sleeve. (Yes.)

Sometimes I have a bit of a giggle to myself, imagining that his wife knits them and he has to wear them to work so as to not to offend her.

And then it hit me- an Ugly Jumper Party! (Thank goodness T doesnt read this, and isnt close enough for me to invite to the party. He is a very nice man, just has some dorky jumpers.)

It's easy to organise for my guests- every Op shop has atleast one treasure, they will be warm (no bikini parties for a mid-June birthday!), and has potential to be quite amusing!

Here are some treasures I have found on my quest-

I am very afraid of the Terror Fish

I'm sure my Mum had me wear one of these in the mid 90's. Source

You just know the creator debated on the collar- and if it was too much? I think that ship sailed when you put flamingoes in Santa hats

My Mum would call this one 'snazzy'

Isnt this one perfect for your autumn wardrobes, with the beautiful colours? What do you mean, it's not?

For some reason, this one cracks me up. I think its the joyous skiing splits the character is doing on the right, or maybe just the bright colours. Or is it that if my father was to design the Winter Olympic uniforms, he would most definitely pick this. And would see nothing wrong with it.

Do you think this is a theme people would enjoy and could get really into?

Costume Parties

I LOVE THEM.

Yep, Im that person who squeals excitedly when someone mentions a themed party.

In fact sometimes, I get a bit TOO into it.

Last year Mum had a K themed 60th Birthday party. I went as Gene Simmons, but flat out refused to take off my makeup at the end of the night. After really getting into the swing of the character, I wouldnt let it go! Billasaurus had to literally drag me into the shower kicking and screaming (screaming rock anthems and flicking my long tongue simultaneously) to get the makeup from my face. Only minutes earlier I had asked Billasaurus if he fancied getting it on with Gene Simmons, whilst I posed on the bed provocatively.

Billasaurus is the most patient man Ive ever met but even that was too far for him.



KISStastic! (Please ignore my teeth, I got black face paint stuck in my braces. Yup.)




My hilarious sister Chelle and her husband Ben



My Dad went as a kitchen drawer



Billasaurus Rex and myself



As always, shit got kind of messy towards the end of the night

 It's almost my birthday, and I'm thinking themes for my 25th. Let's take a trip down memory lane costume party wise...





Being a gremlin at Soundwave....



Bizarrely green tinged pirate wench...




Queen of Hearts on NYE... (also the Queen of Drunk Eyes)



Imagine my embarassment when I arrived to the S party and found two other Sailor Moons, who had purchased beautiful costumes from the Internet. I had just sewed some random shit on to a bonds singlet and painted over my eyelids. Oh the shame. And inconvenient having to close your eyes all night in photos, lol.



Witch costume...funnily enough this one matched my personality the most, lol.

...Wow. And that's only in the past 12 months!

Any suggestions for a theme for my 25th? Something a little bit 'out there'?