I did not get mauled by a bear in 2013

My last post was in February. FEBRUARY. That's 10 months ago- I can count good. 

A lot could have happened in 10 months. I could have-

• become impregnated and given birth to said spawn
• written a novel
• explored a deserted island and convince villagers to make me their queen
• built my own home
• gone on a round the world trip
• stumbled across a scientific breakthrough

I did none of those things. None. Beginning to reassess what on earth I have been doing with my life- I feel the real missed opportunity here is not becoming a queen on a deserted tropical island. I was practically created for eating peeled grapes and being carried around on a golden throne. The most tragic part is that this fact is not acknowledged by anyone else.

So...what did I get up to in 2013?

• Wilfully ignored this blog
• Got excited everytime I got blog comments, only to log in and realise of course they were all spam
• In related news, atleast now I know how that single mothers secret to a flat belly, and the all natural way to increase my penis size
• Moved out of my ridiculous hobbit hole I called my bedsit, and into Billasaurus's house

• Celebrated my 3 year anniversary with Billasaurus
• Went camping twice (trying to be encouraging on the partners hobbies you see)
• Saw one of my favourite bands, Me First And The Gimme Gimmes live
• Went to Soundwave and saw the old faves Blink 182, The Offspring, Metallica, Linkin Park, Paramore etc
• Managed to settle into domestic life without killing Billasaurus or having myself killed by him
• A new niece was born- little Seville!
• I completed my second year of my Bachelor of Primary Education
• I travelled to Vancouver, Canada to as part of a university program to teach abroad

• I went to Whistler for the day and saw snow for the first time

• I tutored 12 students with learning difficulties each week
• I got a new job, that I will be able to start in early 2014
• Survived the Geelong Earthquake of 2013 (Hint: Billasaurus's farts have moved the earth more)

• I accidentally washed my hair with puppy shampoo due to a mixup in my storage facilities. My coat looked lustrous, though.

Now i'm grasping at straws. Best wishes for everyone for an excellent 2014- I look forward to following all of your blogs!

In My Absence

Holy guacamole, I've been busy.

What have I been doing?

I moved house. I am now the proud tenant of a very tiny bedsit, which despite it turning out to have many flaws (of which we shall explore in further posts), is all mine.

What you see below is my spacious, open plan kitchen. And when I say spacious, you know I really mean it literally has no cupboards or a pantry.

(These pics are how the place was the day I moved in. I've since changed things around a bit.)

*My orange benchtop brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like...Wtf is that?*

I can't help but feel that when the last tenant left the cow door stopper she was quietly glad to be rid of the creepy little thing

I may have mentioned previously, the last tenant was kind enough to leave the flat fully furnished. I took over responsibility of the furniture and thank goodness I could get rid of some of it, because alot was broken. Drawers without casters, a smashed glass door in the buffet, no biggie. Especially since I didnt have to pay a cent for it. But there were some real doozies.

The sight you are beholding in the second pic is of my sweeping, airy loungeroom. I say airy, because its not really sealed. I put on a candle the other day and the wind blew it out from outside.

That's my little flat! Tiny, tiny, tiny.

I have an outdoor toilet. You read correctly.

Calm down, it's not one of those drop pits you may have witnessed on long bushwalks or Scout camps.

But it does have a ridiculously cold concrete floor, and sometimes in the mornings I roll around in bed trying to ignore my screaming bladder because its so cold, and I look furtively around the room at all vessels big enough to hold my pee before finally deciding that is disgusting, giving up and doing that weird GOTTA PEE hobble/hop to the bathroom.

I'm classy like that.

Also, my place came free with a hideous shower curtain.

Living solo is a new challenge. Turns out, cooking for one is a whole lot of effort. You know whats easier? Eating hommus and cheese at 9pm in your undies watching Gossip Girl. Uh.... not that I would know what that's like. I was purely speculating.

Also, in a case of last person EVER to jump on the bandwagon, I have started watching Gossip Girl. Oh no, not at the most recent season with all of you with foxtel, but I have been renting the seasons from my local Ye Olde Video Ezy. How reminiscent, how hipster.

The reason for this is that the antenna at my abode is..atrocious. Not quite sure that the issue is there, but I can only get reception for Channel 28. I am exceptionally up to date on Russian news, despite my lack of comprehension on what the dickens its all about. I've also seen enough world movies (aka thinly veiled dirty flicks) to last me a while.

So Gossip Girl Season 1 & 2 and Greys Anatomy Season 1 & 2 have become my new friends. Even so much so that I watch episodes late into the night and wake up thinking, 'Is there enough time to watch GG whilst I eat my breakfast?!'

A problem, I haz one.

But Chuck and Blair! She said I love you! He didnt! He left her stranded in Europe! She started dating a Lord! He FINALLY said it back!

Don't you dare tell me what's happening in the most recent series-I have been so close to peeking at IMDB so many times for future Chuck/Blair shenanigans, but so far have resisted.

Shall keep you updated on the happenings in my crazy little flat.