You Crazy Little Coconuts

There are upsides to having a blog. I can blab on about things of no real consequence, connect to other blog authors and readers, and spend some good old quality time with my computer on the cold wintery nights Geelong produces so well.

My ABSOLUTELY FAVOURITE thing about having a blog is tracking the way my readers find me. I have been getting a lot of google searches lately resulting in followers, but its the things they are searching for that literally cracks me up.

I bring to you my illustrious list of  Top 3 Google Search Terms to find my Blog so far-

1. PENGUIN ATTACK.

I assume my blog comes up due to this post, but crikey, do people think there are killer penguins just waiting in bushes and wheely bins waiting to unleash their fury?!

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2. SPANKING JAPAN

You want to spank the whole country? Or just hoping to find a resident being spanked? Finding my blog should be a lesson to the person looking for the spanking to be much, much more specific in their searches.

Not quite as office appropriate as the old 'World No 1 Dad' mug.
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3. HAIRY LOVE

Because furries need love too, don't you know. And so do men who are overdue for their back waxing. Speaking of, I saw a man in Daylesford on the weekend at a spa with his shirt removed in the waiting room. (Odd in itself, right?) Anywho, this man was quite blessed in the chest, back and shoulder hair category- to the point I could see the grain of what direction it was growing in, could see it swirl around on his shoulders, and the light shone through it. There was a whole lot of hair going on, which for some reason fascinates me.

I was early for my appointment and am notorious for making inane chatter when nervous, trying to fill awkward silences but in turn making it more awkard by blurting things out inappropriately.

The man caught my eye and I said to him, 'Is this your first time?' thinking that he was getting his back waxed for the first time because it was so, so hairy.

He looked at me with a puzzled look on his face and said- 'No- I get it done every three weeks?'

YIKES.

This wasnt the actual guy. He was even hairier. Lol
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And so, my dear blog friends, looking forward to seeing some more freaky searches coming soon. Oh, the things people google in the privacy of their own home, with the capacity to delete their browsing history.

x

Costume Parties

I LOVE THEM.

Yep, Im that person who squeals excitedly when someone mentions a themed party.

In fact sometimes, I get a bit TOO into it.

Last year Mum had a K themed 60th Birthday party. I went as Gene Simmons, but flat out refused to take off my makeup at the end of the night. After really getting into the swing of the character, I wouldnt let it go! Billasaurus had to literally drag me into the shower kicking and screaming (screaming rock anthems and flicking my long tongue simultaneously) to get the makeup from my face. Only minutes earlier I had asked Billasaurus if he fancied getting it on with Gene Simmons, whilst I posed on the bed provocatively.

Billasaurus is the most patient man Ive ever met but even that was too far for him.



KISStastic! (Please ignore my teeth, I got black face paint stuck in my braces. Yup.)




My hilarious sister Chelle and her husband Ben



My Dad went as a kitchen drawer



Billasaurus Rex and myself



As always, shit got kind of messy towards the end of the night

 It's almost my birthday, and I'm thinking themes for my 25th. Let's take a trip down memory lane costume party wise...





Being a gremlin at Soundwave....



Bizarrely green tinged pirate wench...




Queen of Hearts on NYE... (also the Queen of Drunk Eyes)



Imagine my embarassment when I arrived to the S party and found two other Sailor Moons, who had purchased beautiful costumes from the Internet. I had just sewed some random shit on to a bonds singlet and painted over my eyelids. Oh the shame. And inconvenient having to close your eyes all night in photos, lol.



Witch costume...funnily enough this one matched my personality the most, lol.

...Wow. And that's only in the past 12 months!

Any suggestions for a theme for my 25th? Something a little bit 'out there'?

Worst Souvenir Ever

My fantastic sister Chelle, her husband and two very lucky children have just returned from one whole month in Vanuatu.

(Thats my niece Sian and nephew Finn exploring)

They ate, relaxed by the beach...and by all accounts not much more than that went on. Yes, I am jealous.

Chelle and I have a game going where when one of us goes on a holiday, we bring back the absolute tackiest and most hideous souvenir we can find.

What makes this game even more delightful for me, is that my sister has impeccable taste. Really. Her house is so beautifully themed in black, white and silver all the time. If her children have ever made a mess in their lives, i've never seen it. Even her bedroom (which in my house is a quick-throw-the-clean-clothes in-and-hope-they-know-their-own-way-to-the-wardrobe-themselves situation) is flawless.

The idea of a wonderfully tacky, gaudy souvenir existing in her Modern Housekeeping haven tickles me to bits.

In 2008 I went to Fiji (WORST.HOLIDAY.EVER. No really- it was my 21st and I spent the whole time fighting with my ex and pretty much broke up with him the second plane landed, baha.)

I purchased these little delights for Chelle to proudly showcase-

(Coincidentally I found a pic of the exact same dolls at this fantastic website, Crap Souvenirs.)

Yes. Coconut dolls. They also double as ash-trays- their little creepy mouths pop open, munching butts. (Cigarette butts, that is.)

Everytime I went to Chelles house I asked where she had these little gems were, acting all offended if they werent on prominent display (which of course, they never were.)

When my sisters shed went up in flames, I like to think that in my sisters mind, the only silver lining was that these little coconut people were destroyed.

I thought I had won this game.

OH NO.

Look at this treasure that came all the way from Vanuatu for me-

You should have SEEN the smirk on my sisters face.

I have named her Babs. Im not sure why, she just seems like a Babs to me.

What I didnt expect was for Billasaurus Rex to have such an extreme reaction to it. He is a very mellow, easy going, chilled out kind of guy, but as soon as he saw Babs he FREAKED THE FUCK OUT.

He cant even articulate why- I think its something to do with the evil grin she is giving.

And so- because I like to push boundaries and find out just how good natured Billasaurus Rex really is- I am being a menace with Babs.

The first day I put it in front of his keyboard, knowing he would get home from work, flop down in front of the computer, and Babs would be glaring straight at him from behind that evil one eye.

I thought that would be the end of it. I would even go so far as to say I was smug when I came home. The first thing I did was check the mail-

Oh, its on like Donkey Kong.

Billasaurus Rex is currently playing pool with his friends. What am I doing? Plotting like a maniac my next move, giddily wandering around rooms thinking of the best possible spot for Babs to pop up and freak him out next.

Some contenders?

Babs waiting to pounce from BR's favourite breakfast meal like a satanic cereal box toy.

Relaxing by his favourite drinks when he will come home and reach for one...

Subtly hiding near the frozen goods? (Yes, my freezer is atrociously organised.)

Or, how about greeting him when he gets up in the middle of the night to go pee, still groggy from his slumber?

(My Mum does love a wooden toilet seat and sponged powder blue bathroom decor.)

So, whats your vote?

Do you have any suggestions for placed to hide Babs and horrify Billasaurus Rex?