I did not get mauled by a bear in 2013

My last post was in February. FEBRUARY. That's 10 months ago- I can count good. 

A lot could have happened in 10 months. I could have-

• become impregnated and given birth to said spawn
• written a novel
• explored a deserted island and convince villagers to make me their queen
• built my own home
• gone on a round the world trip
• stumbled across a scientific breakthrough

I did none of those things. None. Beginning to reassess what on earth I have been doing with my life- I feel the real missed opportunity here is not becoming a queen on a deserted tropical island. I was practically created for eating peeled grapes and being carried around on a golden throne. The most tragic part is that this fact is not acknowledged by anyone else.

So...what did I get up to in 2013?

• Wilfully ignored this blog
• Got excited everytime I got blog comments, only to log in and realise of course they were all spam
• In related news, atleast now I know how that single mothers secret to a flat belly, and the all natural way to increase my penis size
• Moved out of my ridiculous hobbit hole I called my bedsit, and into Billasaurus's house

• Celebrated my 3 year anniversary with Billasaurus
• Went camping twice (trying to be encouraging on the partners hobbies you see)
• Saw one of my favourite bands, Me First And The Gimme Gimmes live
• Went to Soundwave and saw the old faves Blink 182, The Offspring, Metallica, Linkin Park, Paramore etc
• Managed to settle into domestic life without killing Billasaurus or having myself killed by him
• A new niece was born- little Seville!
• I completed my second year of my Bachelor of Primary Education
• I travelled to Vancouver, Canada to as part of a university program to teach abroad

• I went to Whistler for the day and saw snow for the first time

• I tutored 12 students with learning difficulties each week
• I got a new job, that I will be able to start in early 2014
• Survived the Geelong Earthquake of 2013 (Hint: Billasaurus's farts have moved the earth more)

• I accidentally washed my hair with puppy shampoo due to a mixup in my storage facilities. My coat looked lustrous, though.

Now i'm grasping at straws. Best wishes for everyone for an excellent 2014- I look forward to following all of your blogs!

Harvest Picnic at Hanging Rock

My long-suffering boyfriend (it feels weird saying boyfriend, like im a 14yo?) Billasaurus is alot of things- hilarious, patient, kind....but one thing he isn't is a planner.

In January on a random trip to the beach, he asked me if I wanted to go away for a long weekend. Quickly my mind raced to Sydney, Brisbane, Perth, or perhaps Cairns....

In only 10 seconds this is where my mind went when he said "weekend away"

Bill's mind was quite set on going to Woodend. What? Where on earth is Woodend?

Turns out, it's only an hour and a half from home and that Bill was dying to see Hanging Rock in the nearby Macedon Ranges, having gone there as a little kid.

So in January, I repeat JANUARY, Bill said he would plan everything.

Fast forward to this Saturday morning and we were all packed and ready to go. For weeks I had been wondering about what kind of amazing events and accommodation he had planned, but didn't dare ask and ruin the suprise.

This might I add was killing me, because I have to know everything. Lol

We arrive in Woodend, pull up at an interesting looking brewery that the sign said also had accommodation, and I thought I had it all figured out.

Until Bill turns to me and says, 'Should I have booked accommodation? It's looking pretty crowded around here.'

LOL.

The following hours consisted of us driving around to all accommodation places in Woodend, and finding out there mere a multitude of weddings on in the area and something called the Harvest Picnic on at the Hanging Rock tomorrow.

We moved on to neighbouring Kyneton, where we finally found a room at a pretty dodgy motel.


It's funny- in a past life that would have really bothered me, but I have learnt when you love someone you can just laugh and even enjoy the adventure of last minute scrambling for a bed.



And so on a beautiful sunny Sunday, we found ourselves at the Hanging Rock.
I have never seen the film, but have read the book (albeit a million years ago).
Over the years I had heard how haunting and that the silence is eerie...well not so much, because the weekend we picked to go it was hosting The Age Harvest Picnic.

Becayse we arrived quite early, (far too early for lunch, anyway) we decided to hit The Rock first.

No, not that Rock

There are a few different walks you can do- one that goes around the base, another shorter scenic walk and of course, The Summit.

It was a very hot day. I'm not going to lie- I was hoping he was going to want to do the base or scenic walk, but of course I know him well enough to know we were always going to be doing The Summit.

The thing is about The Summit walk is that is almost entirely uphill. Funny that.
There were a few moments I cursed my fitness levels, and also my shoe choice. (New Witchery plain ballet flats proved to not have much in the way of grip on the bottom, which ensured some hilarious rock-slipping moments on our descent.)

Entertaining signage did lighten the mood when the ascent was particular sweat-inducing

 

The effort was truly worth it however whe we saw the view from the summit.

 We indeed picked the perfect day- during our climb we could hear the band playing on the ground below, and when we were finished up we perused the gourmet food markets, had some lunch and enjoyed a well-earnt beer.

Have you been to Hanging Rock? We recommend it!

(My muscles are a little bit stiff today, but it was so worth it!)

Be a Mexican, Not a Mexican't!

Please be very, very careful when reading out that post title.

Three of my close friends have birthdays only a week apart, so naturally every year there is triple-the-fun shindig in their honour.

This year, the three amigos decided to (quite logically) choose the theme of the party to be Mexican.

Naturally, my first thought was this costume-

Buy one here. Seriously, live my dream and do it.

Billasaurus, however patient the man is, drew a line at the taco suit. I got it in my head that there was no point in going alone as a taco, because really, who ever just has one taco? Unfortunately he wasn't so keen, and considering ive forced him to dress as the worlds tallest Gremlin before, I figure I'm still ahead.

So instead I went as Frida Kahlo!

I appear to have missed a little something during my last plucking session

The real and magnificent Frida herself-

I love the vibrant colours she used in her self-portraits, and her style. I think its pretty badass too not to pluck your monobrow and 'stache too- why should women feel ashamed of something that is quite normal? What percentage of men actually give a fuck? Definitely not the majority.

That being said, I shall continue to wax and pluck but admire the hell out of people who don't give a fuck.

The night began with pre-drinks at my tiny little flat (single file only, standing room but plenty of booze) drinking simply put, the beverage of The Gods.

Let me share with you this complicated recipe. Don't worry about a pen, I think you'll be able to recall it.

Source

I'm not joking- it tastes like magic and unicorns! To be more specific, it tastes just like the clear gummi bears! Where has this been all of my life?!

My skills with eye pencil drawing monobrows must be my hidden talent, because all night men were whispering and giggling in my direction. It was quite disconcerting, because I forgot that this little gem was painted upon my face. To be honest most of the time I was thinking, 'GOSH I KNOW IM NOT A PRETTY GIRL, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO FLAT OUT LAUGH IN MY FACE!!!'

Der. They were looking at the giant fuzzy caterpillar perched atop my brow.

It was actually quite the conversation starter, and there was one gentleman (I use this term loosely) who was obsessed with stroking my monobrow even though there was no actual hair there, and offered for me to stay the night at his residence.

I got the impression he wasn't keen on my despite the brow, but BECAUSE of it. Different strokes for different folks, hey?

Op! Op! Op!

I love a good fad or a trend, especially when it comes with a catchy tune.

Heres a little blast from the past- remember the Crazy Frog? No- how about Hamster Dance? As annoying as they were/are they serve as little time capsules- I still remember where I was when I heard that ridiculous Ketchup Song.

 I was incredulous...and then slowly and obediently raised my hands and shimmied whilst singing along in broken and garbled Spanish (a language which to this day I do not speak.)

I said a HEY HA...something something arother BOOGIE BOOGIE SOMETHING A BEAT.

Source

And so if you are one of the 180 odd million people that have viewed this already, please let's embrace it together. And if you have not...well you're welcome.

I present to you, the enthusiastic Korean rapper, Psy.

 

Even Britney wants to get on board.... and from the man himself comes the best quote ever, and my new personal motto-

"Dress classy, dance cheesy."

If only I could get OP OP OP! or Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyy Sexxyyy Ladiieeeessssss out of my head.

In My Absence

Holy guacamole, I've been busy.

What have I been doing?

I moved house. I am now the proud tenant of a very tiny bedsit, which despite it turning out to have many flaws (of which we shall explore in further posts), is all mine.

What you see below is my spacious, open plan kitchen. And when I say spacious, you know I really mean it literally has no cupboards or a pantry.

(These pics are how the place was the day I moved in. I've since changed things around a bit.)

*My orange benchtop brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like...Wtf is that?*

I can't help but feel that when the last tenant left the cow door stopper she was quietly glad to be rid of the creepy little thing

I may have mentioned previously, the last tenant was kind enough to leave the flat fully furnished. I took over responsibility of the furniture and thank goodness I could get rid of some of it, because alot was broken. Drawers without casters, a smashed glass door in the buffet, no biggie. Especially since I didnt have to pay a cent for it. But there were some real doozies.

The sight you are beholding in the second pic is of my sweeping, airy loungeroom. I say airy, because its not really sealed. I put on a candle the other day and the wind blew it out from outside.

That's my little flat! Tiny, tiny, tiny.

I have an outdoor toilet. You read correctly.

Calm down, it's not one of those drop pits you may have witnessed on long bushwalks or Scout camps.

But it does have a ridiculously cold concrete floor, and sometimes in the mornings I roll around in bed trying to ignore my screaming bladder because its so cold, and I look furtively around the room at all vessels big enough to hold my pee before finally deciding that is disgusting, giving up and doing that weird GOTTA PEE hobble/hop to the bathroom.

I'm classy like that.

Also, my place came free with a hideous shower curtain.

Living solo is a new challenge. Turns out, cooking for one is a whole lot of effort. You know whats easier? Eating hommus and cheese at 9pm in your undies watching Gossip Girl. Uh.... not that I would know what that's like. I was purely speculating.

Also, in a case of last person EVER to jump on the bandwagon, I have started watching Gossip Girl. Oh no, not at the most recent season with all of you with foxtel, but I have been renting the seasons from my local Ye Olde Video Ezy. How reminiscent, how hipster.

The reason for this is that the antenna at my abode is..atrocious. Not quite sure that the issue is there, but I can only get reception for Channel 28. I am exceptionally up to date on Russian news, despite my lack of comprehension on what the dickens its all about. I've also seen enough world movies (aka thinly veiled dirty flicks) to last me a while.

So Gossip Girl Season 1 & 2 and Greys Anatomy Season 1 & 2 have become my new friends. Even so much so that I watch episodes late into the night and wake up thinking, 'Is there enough time to watch GG whilst I eat my breakfast?!'

A problem, I haz one.

But Chuck and Blair! She said I love you! He didnt! He left her stranded in Europe! She started dating a Lord! He FINALLY said it back!

Don't you dare tell me what's happening in the most recent series-I have been so close to peeking at IMDB so many times for future Chuck/Blair shenanigans, but so far have resisted.

Shall keep you updated on the happenings in my crazy little flat.