If your relationship was absent of those three little words, how would you feel?
Are those words when a relationship really starts, or a nice addition to an already great relationship?
Is it more important to hear that phrase, than to be treated with love?
Billosaurus Rex and I have been in a relationship for almost 18 months. I have been happier in these quick months than I ever was in the previous 6 years with my ex.
Yet, those 'I Love You' words have been elusive. At first I was too scared to even think about them- my previous relationship was catastrophic and I didnt think Id ever feel that way again. And then...I started to.
Initially, I was indignant that I would not say them first. (Ridiculous, in hindsight.)
The words danced on my lips every kiss, every laugh, and every smile we were together.
And then this NYE they finally tumbled out (when I was drunk no less.)
In return, the man who I love so dearly, replied with....nothing.
Not a word.
And so my followers: What would you do? Wait patiently for them to be returned? Abandon ship?
Oh how awkward :( It must have been quite hurtful to work up the courage to say it and get no response.
ReplyDeleteI would bring it up to him, not outright asking for an 'I love you' back, but maybe say 'so, you know that thing I said to you on NYE? Any thoughts about that?' And see what he says. It must be on his mind too, he might feel awful about not responding but not knowing how to bring it up.
Good luck hun x
Thats exactly what it was aelie, awkward!
DeleteIm taking your advice and waiting for the perfect moment. Thanks for the extra courage, will post back how I go!
Could it have been the fact that he knew you were drunk and didn't want to say it as a moment of intoxication?
ReplyDeleteStill a bit awks for him not to say anything at all.
Having said that, I wouldn't abandon ship! Not if you love him, and he clearly does you. Those words don't come easily to some people, and also maybe he didn't want to say it purely because he had to? My partner says I love you a lot, and I don't always reciprocate with one back. That doesn't mean I don't love him, I just don't necessarily feel like saying it at that time, so I don't! :) Means more when I do say it, as well.
Hope it all turns out ok for you, let us know the outcome! x
I hadnt thought of that- maybe he did have issues with the fact I only said it myself when I was drunk?
DeleteThanks for the reassurance, I do know and feel all the time that he loves me. Im such a girl though, needing to hear those words! Lol.
Will definitely let you know how I go!
I've been there before, said "I think I"m falling in love with you" at the 6 month mark, finally forced myself to say "I love you" at the 18 month mark and it took a day to hear it back. Ate me up in side wondering what was wrong with me and why I wasn't loved.
ReplyDeleteIt's a girl thing.
The biggest thing I have learnt is that the words aren't as important as the actions. Do you feel like he loves you? If you truly love him that's all that matters. The words will come when he feels comfortable.
My current bf had issues saying it the first time, to him it was a (long term) marriage proposal, I am the only girl he has ever said those 3 words to.
If you want to take the high road, talk to him. Tell him you love him, that you're not afraid to say it, and that you don't need to hear it back until he's ready because you already know he loves you. Could mean you have to continue waiting (and stressing) but at least it's out there.
Im glad someone else knows that horrible ache in the chest feeling too. And you've hit the nail on the head- its the angst that maybe im just not worth loving thats really hurting me, not the lack of love.
DeleteI definitely feel like he loves me- he is so patient, so kind, and does caring things for me all the time, just because. I came home tonight to him with 2 travel power adaptors, lol. In my mind that shows he is thoughtful and loving, knowing that I will need them on my upcoming holiday and getitng them for me.
I dont know if he has said the words before- I could even be his longest relationship? He isnt that keen on talking about his exes. Im sure if I asked he would tell, he just hasnt been forthcoming and I dont want to be the stereotypical female wanting to know all the dirt on the past gf's.
Love your suggestion- it makes my feelings clear whilst leaving the ball in his court.
Arggh....will let you know how I go, thanks so much for your help.
The time it took for either of you to say those words might have caused him to be in shock when he finally heard them! So I don't think his response should be taken as significant. If you love him tell him you love him... and if you want to hear him say he loves you affectionately ask "do you love me?".
ReplyDeleteI never had a problem with the saying "I love you" issue, but years ago I felt like my boyfriend didn't hug me enough, I felt more and more unloved until I got upset and just told him that I didn't feel like he gave me enough affection because he didn't hug me enough. To my surprise he said I was right and he should hug me more and show me more affection. From that moment the problem disappeared, so the moral of the story is you need to tell your partner what you need.
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ReplyDelete