Friday, 29 June 2012

"Doesn't Know She's Fat"


Things are going to get heated here, so please be prepared for the full snark.

First things first- I am not a so called 'fat activist', don't write about the plight of being plus sized, and am not a member of the 'happy at any size' community.

However, I am fat. This is not me being self-depracting. I'm a size 16-18 and have bounced up and down in weight ranges for all of my teenage and adult life. Am I ultimately happy with my body? No, I'm not. That doesnt mean that others with a similar body shouldn't be- it just means I would prefer my body at a different size. I'm not hugely depressed about the body I have- whilst I am obese, I am also a kind, generous, and intelligent being who is worth more than what others perceive of my appearance.

I also don't mind if you feel that last sentence makes me conceited- if you can't toot your own horn, noone else will.

ENTER RANT. (Oh, did you think that was it? You're in for a treat.)

I was recently at a birthday party. That's not the shock- I have friends. Don't act so suprised. :)

My best friend P's boyfriend Jay (still with me?) was watching me closely on the dance floor. I noticed he would look at me, and then back at the Birthday Girl.

This is also where I have to announce I am a shithouse dancer. It doesnt stop me from getting up on that dancefloor, even sometimes being the first one on it, and doing whatever moves I can pull out. Oh the robot, the busstop, gosh even the sprinkler are coming on out. No holds barred- I have a great time too. I look like a drowning oompa-loompa with the flaily arms, but hey, you cant be good at everything, right?

I figure he is just admiring (read: mocking) my dancing so don't really think twice about it. That is until I flop on the chair next to J, exhausted from all of the arm swinging, leg twisting dance action.

"Hey Cindy...." J remarks slowly, leaning towards me.

"Birthday Girl doesn't know she is fat, does she?"

The only appropriate way to describe my reaction to the ass-hattery


He goes on to explain that he means that "Birthday Girl hasn't clicked that she is fat yet. She is still flirting, wearing provocative clothes, and is loud and over confident. You act different to her- is it because you've been fat longer? You know you are fat and act like you should."

Oh, I see. So what you meant was that because the BIRTHDAY GIRL has put on weight, she should alter her whole personality to match the hatred the general populace has on anyone who is larger than average. She should stop flirting with men, HELL, she better not even talk to them, because she is now not worthy of even friendship or a laugh. Of course she should alter her personal style, and become an introvert because the crux of the matter is that now she is overweight, she should feel a deep shame about her very existence.

I'm sorry- I must have missed this part in the clause when I expanded out of a size 14 and received my official fat card in the mail.

Whilst he was trying to assure me that I act "accordingly" to my size, all he did was push his view that overweight women (Of course, I note his theory mentioned nothing on men, despite 1 in 4 men being overweight in Australia) should acknowledge that they are not only no longer attractrive, but are generally not wanted. Their opinions are invalid, their experiences void, and no matter what unique thoughts or feelings she may have they are irrelevent if men do not find her sexually attractive.

What does one even say to someone like that?!


  1. OH MY GOD!!! Did you punch him? I'm guessing there was alcohol at this party, I don't think I would have been able to hold back!!! Wow, I actually can't even think of a word that properly describes what he was saying to you!

    1. To be honest I was just flabbergasted- who on earth would say that, especially about the birthday girl who was hosting an event you were attending?!

    2. I wish I could "like" your post! lol :)

  2. Are you freaking kidding me!? Did you slap him!? You so should have slapped him. Or yelled. Actually both! What a ** ** ** (insert many rude words there). That is just so wrong of him! How dare he!

    I can't believe he said it. It is one thing to think it, but another to say it out loud to someone else he thinks is overweight too. I'm so livid on your behalf!!

    1. Dude is a douche. Glad I'm not the only one all pissy!

  3. You don't need to say anything to that - you just punch him in the face!! I can't believe the mentality of some idiots. I feel exactly like that Obama picture in regards to this guy right now.

    Did you mention it to your friend P?

    1. I didnt, which makes me a coward. Jay is quite a sore point between my best friend and I, but she is buying a house with the guy so she obviously is investing in this guy long-term.

  4. Guy's an idiot, so I'd probably just say to him, "You're an idiot." Then bail.

  5. What the HELL?! What an absolute utter freakin douche!

    What gives him the right to talk to you like that, or be so condescending, or to judge another person! Because I'm sure he's perfect, right?

    UGH. He's not even worth it. What a shallow d*ck!

  6. whoa man! that's nasty, was he sober? I would have slapped him tbh!

  7. Wow, what a dbag! What a shame your best friend has such poor taste in men.
    I was thoroughly entertained by your description of your dance moves, I think you would be lots of fun on a night out x

  8. Oh wow, doesn't sound like he has many brain cells. I'd pick brain cells + fat cells over neither any day :)

  9. I think all the above comments sum up my reaction too. Who says sh!t like that? I mean really?

  10. what a horrible thing to say. and it's even more horrible because he wasn't even trying to be mean - it's his honest opinion that 'fat' women should act a certain way, and doesn't even realise what he says could be offensive. what a nasty person.

  11. OMG!!!! That was worth a rant! And he is your best friends boy? does she realise what an ass he is or does she just think it's okay because he rates her?

    I can't even fathom this thought process. I actually think it is great that the birthday girl is acting exactly how she would of before she put on weight (your words not mine lol), because I think it is too sad when people crawl into a hole and want to die because of a few extra kilos on the scale. I would have probably made some smart as comment back like, "I dunno... do you know your a bad lover yet and your girl fakes it?" :P

  12. wow.. I am almost at a loss for words... seriously. I cant even believe guys can be such douches.

  13. HOLY IGNORAMUS! Sorry, new follower (thanks for visiting my blog, as I'm really enjoying yours) and just read this on catch up. I'm not sure what I am more astounded by, the fact that he thinks these things or the fact that he feels his opinions are so "ok" that he didn't expect anything other than your gentle agreement when he raised his concerns with you!

    I can't even fathom it. I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry for your best friend. I can't imagine anyone who harbors these sort of warped beliefs is a real winner in the boyfriend department. He sounds like a fledgling misogynist.


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